I'm finding that as I have gotten more intimate with God he has revealed to me more and more his plans for my life. That is truly so exciting because I was not one who always felt a certain call on her life or who just knew what she would be best at doing. Career wise or kingdom wise. As I get closer and closer to walking in my purpose I have become emphatically aware of just how much I don't deserve any of it. It is an honor to be used of God and I am just plain not worthy. That knowledge has caused me to be in a place where I have been noticing the flaws in myself even more. I'm talking about those ugly things about yourself that you only tell to the person or persons closest to you. And some that you don't even tell them. Yeah....those! The ways of thinking you have, the prideful tendencies, the insecurities within yourself that cause you to be critical of others. To sum it up in a word...the flesh! Those have been fresh on my mind lately. I am constantly crying out for the Lord to change my heart. That is one thing that I am thankful for and can clearly recognize: If we are truly seeking after God, the awareness of our flaws will keep us on our faces in prayer. The thing that came to mind today as I was thinking on these my many flaws was that I should not allow them to cause me to be in condemnation. Yes I am flawed, but I am also forgiven. As long as I present these issues to God with a willingness and desire to be changed I believe that it will be well. That doesn't mean that all things will magically disappear, but I do believe that whatever He doesn't change He will give me the strength to bear.
I have had this post in edit for several weeks lying in wait to be completed. My pastor preached a sermon a few Sundays back that spoke to some of these issues. It really was and is always a blessing when you hear confirmation for your revelations from different sources. I was reminded in a new way that although I am messed up, although I do sin God will pick me up, dust me off , and he will use me.